I'm baaaaaaaaack!!

Yippee!! I am back! Feel like myself again for the first time in about a fortnight. The switch to full time open water swimming was the starting point, but i also finished up in one job and started another, and I sprained my ankle. Actually, a swollen bruised ankle benefits greatly from being repeatedly submerged in cold water, and i barely kick at the best of times, so it's not a bad injury/sport combo. Still not exactly a stressfree environment for a Channel Aspirant.

By the way does anyone else find the word "aspirant" funny. To me, it sounds like a cross between a painkiller and something you inadvertently swallow while swimming and have to cough back up.

Anyhow, two swims of two hours apiece at the weekend gave me a good boost. This morning, I swam 1hr10 in Inniscarra - it was 11deg water, nice, nice but er... 4deg air. Song of choice was "The sun'll come out tomorrow!" Ironic really, as the sun was shining in a perfectly blue sky. There just wasn't any warmth from it! I was swimming with Eddie "Speedy" Irwin and Paraic "Sleepswim" Casey

I actually enjoyed it and can't wait till tomorrow morning. The getting up at 5am to fit the swim in before being at my desk for 8.15 is tough enough. The funniest is using makeup to camoflauge google eyes! I reckon the porter thinks I have a secret street fighting habit. And that I lose. A lot.

Attack of the phantom jelly thoughts

I like swimming in the sea when I am not frozen. At the moment I am comfortable enough for the first hour, during which my mind can wander. This feeling of flow gets interrupted every now and then. The assailants are random thoughts that only happen while swimming. Like uncontrollable puppies with muddy paws on just changed sheets. Sometimes it’s a song, sometimes a saying, sometimes a fear. Here's ones that surface most swims....

What if a shark gobbles me up?
The sun’ll come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that….
Would foam rolling after a sea swim be a good idea, being numb and all?
1,2,3 breath, 1,2,3 France! 1,2,3 breath
Could I get tangled up in sea weed?
If I get swept out to sea, will Dad say “I told you so”?
At what point am I actually in danger?
Even a paper cup will get to France. Eventually
Could I die from a jelly fish sting?
I can do this, I have twin boys for feck sake
Does cold water swimming make your hair grow faster?
Why on earth did I choose this goal?
Why is that family staring at me?
If that dog swims out, would he be able to bite me?
Is that a sand bar or a storm water outfall?

Yesterday, my swim was consumed with the notion of jellyfish. My goggles were a bit foggy so my vision was obscured. I am also a natural worrier so given that the cold wasn’t too disturbing, I was hijacked by phantom jellyfish. My internal conversation went like this

Is that a jelly fish?
Oh god it is, it is. I don’t have a first aid kit with me.
OF course I don’t I am in the middle of the sea!
Swim faster, swim! Swim!
Okay I can calm down a bit now.
How silly am i?
Did something just sting my foot?
Or did I just kick it with my other foot?
Right I will try and kick myself again.
Ouch.
Yeah it was just a kick.

On the plus side, these distractions are a great way to pass a few minutes, but on the other hand, it might mean that I am going mad. It’s not talking to myself that gets me worried. No, it’s the person that’s answering …. Sheesh does she have issues!

Timeline of an openwater swim

Procrastinating at Sandycove with Lisa

T-90mins Get a bit cranky, a rational response to the impending cold and the feeling that I am a few sandwiches short of a picnic for putting myself through it.
T-60mins Gather my bits and bobs, head to sea. On seeing water, stomach sinks, salivation increases. It’s not like I’m drooling or anything, don’t worry.
T-20mins Start to get ready – in the car ideally as there’s less chance of showing my butt to
the world. Togs first, then search around for my silicone ear plugs because try as I might I never put them back in the same place! Hat, spit and wipe to the goggles, slug of somethine sugary.
T-10mins Sit in the car for another ten minutes or so, maybe a tweet of FB post, chat with whoever is about, anything really to delay the inevitable!
T-5mins The long walk from car to water. Feeling like a prize loo-la now. Feet in, cold – but not that bad. On I walk, thighs, ouch! Must unfold hands and trail them in water … don’t want to! One last look around, maybe a quick wee, then sweet God and baby Jesus I’m off.
T-0mins Off like a four year old who sees a bouncy castle. I flake along windmill style until my body accepts it has to be horizontal for a while and my blood does a legger to the confines of my insulated core. Well insulated butt if we’re being honest. Teeth hurt most, mini ice-cream headache, limbs feel both numb and needly. Ah, phew! I’ve made it!
The actual swimming part The best part, a definite feeling of freedom, no matter what swimming location, it’s not going to be crowded. Every other part of my life now makes sense. The early nights, the not-drinking, the general lardiness. The sea holds me up, I feel strong, purposeful and in the moment.
Hypothermia Avoidance I have a few tongue twisters to say to check if I’m veering towards hypothermia. Eleven benevolent elephants and seven swift wasps. This has the added benefit of confirming to anyone within earshot that yes, I’ve gone loopy.
When I’m pushing beyond my levels of comfort, I try counting – downwards in threes from three hundred, or prime numbers that sort of thing. I know Sylvain does this too (Sylvain? Of Project Butterfly? Oh you must of heard of him, he’s training to cross the English channel by harnessing a thousand butterflies. Or something…) Here's his website
When I try to count to 100 and get stuck in a loop on the teens, I know it really is time to get out.

Getting out
It’s rather disconcerting to go from horizontal to vertical, from swimming to walking, from cold but moving to simply cold. Out with the ear plugs and put them the first place I think of, someone elses hand say. Goggles on the head, and then very very carefully and quickly I wipe as much of the seaweed/ plankton/ sea goo that has stuck to my face (my skin of course, hair on my face, moi? Never!!) Seeing a post swim picture of me with a greeny mustache and beard cottoned me onto that one fairly sharpish!

Thank God for Robies. Poncho like towels that preserve one’s modesty at a time when you could care less about same. My yellowy white feet confrm that my blood contains my inherent personality and is also foot averse. Anyhow, there is a very short time window for me to get dressed before I can’t. I shiver, I shake, I can’t understand simple questions or instructions. I sound punch drunk when I speak, but never let that stop me!! Hot drinks help as does freshly cooked bbq. I don’t bother with chocolate initially because my sweet tastebuds take the longest to thaw out.

Once I have stopped shaking, a sort of bliss sets in. It’s that tired happy feeling of having pushed outside my comfort zone, inching a bit closer to the English Channel. And that, ladies and gentlemen is why I swim.