Alarming swims

On Saturday last I was anxious to push my cold water acclimitising so off to Sandycove I went. The air temp was 7deg perhaps, with the water slightly “warmer” at 9.5deg or so. First lap I went wide, feeling strong. Second lap I felt good. I had myself talked into my first three lapper of the year in togs so off I went. There must be a cold spring at the first corner or something, but in my positive frame of mind I thought if there’s cold patches, there must be warm patches!
There were no warm patches.
Disorientation set in. The island wasn’t talking to me, but rather than see this as a good thing, I felt a little paranoid that I had offended it. Was I blissed out or was the cold getting to me? I paused at the back of the island and Carmel assured me she would stay beside me. What was my alternative but to swim on. I briefly wondered if my mind became untethered – would it stay that way or would I be able to reel it back in?
Out I got and stumbled to the car. I thought I was having a sugar dip and that I wasn’t cold. Riana kindly gave me a biscuit, but it was like blowdrying your mouth and then trying to eat a toasted cream cracker.

Roisin asked nicely if I had a hat.
Yes says I, but I am not cold.
Just put on the hat, says she, kindly refraining from calling me an idiot.

I suffer from irish hypothermia, where I feel embarrassed at making a show of myself and paranoid that “they’re all looking at me”. Post swim, most swimmers are bluish grey with red blotches. So while it might be hilarious to watch them struggle to with twisted underwear and buttons, it's not a pretty sight. So, no, they’re not looking at me. Except for one passer by who subsequently ran off screaming “My eyes! My eyes!”

Thursday’s swim was a triumph over duvetland and it’s warm snuggly goodness. Hauled myself to the Inniscarra Reservoir for a 10deg dip at 6.30am with Paraic and Riana. Uneventful and quite pretty to watch the raindrops hopping off a surface as calm as a pool. The eventful part of the morning was when the fire alarm went off during my shower. At work. In a public building. Down I dripped, mortified. Thankfully it was a false alarm and I was able to retrieve my dignity, but I will be avoiding eye contact for a while.

Timeline of an openwater swim

Procrastinating at Sandycove with Lisa

T-90mins Get a bit cranky, a rational response to the impending cold and the feeling that I am a few sandwiches short of a picnic for putting myself through it.
T-60mins Gather my bits and bobs, head to sea. On seeing water, stomach sinks, salivation increases. It’s not like I’m drooling or anything, don’t worry.
T-20mins Start to get ready – in the car ideally as there’s less chance of showing my butt to
the world. Togs first, then search around for my silicone ear plugs because try as I might I never put them back in the same place! Hat, spit and wipe to the goggles, slug of somethine sugary.
T-10mins Sit in the car for another ten minutes or so, maybe a tweet of FB post, chat with whoever is about, anything really to delay the inevitable!
T-5mins The long walk from car to water. Feeling like a prize loo-la now. Feet in, cold – but not that bad. On I walk, thighs, ouch! Must unfold hands and trail them in water … don’t want to! One last look around, maybe a quick wee, then sweet God and baby Jesus I’m off.
T-0mins Off like a four year old who sees a bouncy castle. I flake along windmill style until my body accepts it has to be horizontal for a while and my blood does a legger to the confines of my insulated core. Well insulated butt if we’re being honest. Teeth hurt most, mini ice-cream headache, limbs feel both numb and needly. Ah, phew! I’ve made it!
The actual swimming part The best part, a definite feeling of freedom, no matter what swimming location, it’s not going to be crowded. Every other part of my life now makes sense. The early nights, the not-drinking, the general lardiness. The sea holds me up, I feel strong, purposeful and in the moment.
Hypothermia Avoidance I have a few tongue twisters to say to check if I’m veering towards hypothermia. Eleven benevolent elephants and seven swift wasps. This has the added benefit of confirming to anyone within earshot that yes, I’ve gone loopy.
When I’m pushing beyond my levels of comfort, I try counting – downwards in threes from three hundred, or prime numbers that sort of thing. I know Sylvain does this too (Sylvain? Of Project Butterfly? Oh you must of heard of him, he’s training to cross the English channel by harnessing a thousand butterflies. Or something…) Here's his website
When I try to count to 100 and get stuck in a loop on the teens, I know it really is time to get out.

Getting out
It’s rather disconcerting to go from horizontal to vertical, from swimming to walking, from cold but moving to simply cold. Out with the ear plugs and put them the first place I think of, someone elses hand say. Goggles on the head, and then very very carefully and quickly I wipe as much of the seaweed/ plankton/ sea goo that has stuck to my face (my skin of course, hair on my face, moi? Never!!) Seeing a post swim picture of me with a greeny mustache and beard cottoned me onto that one fairly sharpish!

Thank God for Robies. Poncho like towels that preserve one’s modesty at a time when you could care less about same. My yellowy white feet confrm that my blood contains my inherent personality and is also foot averse. Anyhow, there is a very short time window for me to get dressed before I can’t. I shiver, I shake, I can’t understand simple questions or instructions. I sound punch drunk when I speak, but never let that stop me!! Hot drinks help as does freshly cooked bbq. I don’t bother with chocolate initially because my sweet tastebuds take the longest to thaw out.

Once I have stopped shaking, a sort of bliss sets in. It’s that tired happy feeling of having pushed outside my comfort zone, inching a bit closer to the English Channel. And that, ladies and gentlemen is why I swim.

So how did you spend your weekend?

Garryvoe was beautiful today - but cold. Air temp was 8deg or so with a biting cold wind and water temp was maybe 9.5deg - Paraic Casey and I swam for 32 minutes.

It's what we all ask our coworkers of a Monday morning - though people normally skip me now as more likely than not I have been swimming. First time queriers tend to be shocked at the notion of swimming in the sea at this time of year concluding, quite rightly, that there is something a bit "off" about someone who does such a thing. I normally shrug this off, but today i looked at my weekend activity of choice with a bit of distance and realised ...

I willing create a situation which results in mild hypothermia. It's not that i enjoy the symptoms but i'm jsut trying to push out my tolerance of the cold water so that ultimately i'll be able to last the 16 to 20 hours in 14deg - 16deg water come August 2012. The "good thing" is that I am only a little bit hypothermic and it only happens after i stop swimming. The bad thing is that, f**k me but do i get cold! Shivers, numbness, aching shoulders, and tiredness that doesn't quite dissipate for the rest of the day. And I am only averaging 40mins at the moment in water ranging from 9deg to 11deg - the latter if and only if you believe Finbarr Hedderman's watch.

So tomorrow if anyone asks? I shall say that I went on the beer and watched the rugby and got a taxi from outside the door cos it was WAY too cold to be outside. Pure lie? Yes - but never let the truth get in the way of a good story.